I live like I want to, not like I should

February 4^th

Hollywood Market - $26.14

I’m trying to develop better relationship with money… and food, and people and my family.

The more I think about I think I need to work on the whole concept of ‘relationship’ but for now I’ll work on the money one because money doesn’t change.  But I can start with money since it’s been pretty consistent over the course of all time and history.

I haven’t done a good grocery shopping trip in sometime and it’s starting to show.  My freezer is bare and I’m dong mini power shopping trips where I’m hungry, don’t have coupons or a plan and I spend over $20 for that night’s dinner and the lunch for the day after.  This happened last night. My $6 salad, $3 cheese and $4 mega brownie hit the spot and my $7 salad today and $4 soup for lunch today.  I will be ok until around 2 today where I feel the need to repeat the cycle.  Money fail. 

I've been using mint.com for about a year to track my spending and it's been VERY useful... to a point.  I know that I overspent on my food budget  (entertainment budget, coffee store budget, etc) a day or two afterwards.    I think I need an app that causes my phone to have a temper tantrum at check out before I go over board.

It’s 3:30 in the morning.  I woke up because I was having a dream about my last relationship (with a human).    Another fail.

Canine, Feline, Jekyll and Hyde

February 3rd 

 $26.24 - Total

            $8.33  - 7-11

            $27.91   Hideout

Went to the bar after work tonight for socialization purposes.  Sat down next to a regular named Bill.  He’s an older guy, maybe late 50’s early 60’s.  It’s always interesting talking to random strangers.  He suggested phlebology for a career change.  He could’ve suggested craniology or a bat dung pottery and I'd have thought it a good idea. 

I don’t want to be alone but at this stage of the game it seems inevitable.  As much as I want to share my life with someone that shares my same interests I don’t want to share my life with someone that will put up with my farts, burps, popping in grown hairs and explosive diarrhea.  I’m used to being alone.  I grew up alone and have lived by myself for more than half my life. It’s not good.  I read an article about how being lonely was worse for your health then smoking.

Change isn't easy but the need is inevitable.

My cat is into attacking toes today; yesterday it was hanging off the curtains. I've got my nightstand alarm going off on the left, my phone alarm on the right.  The dog wants to go outside again and that's just a typical morning.

+

If that don't suit you ... that's a drag...

February 2^nd

February 2nd

Day Two – Zero Spending

I’m not a mind reader and I can’t tell what the future has in store for me but I know this one small detail.  There won’t be a day three of no spending… I’m gonna need caffeine and I’m going to need a lot of it.

I’m starting an online course in web design next week. 

I love the idea of school.  I’m good with homework for the first 3 weeks and then my attention span drifts off to something other…  ooo new home improvement project.

I'm Not Faking It, Baby, I'm Making It

February 1^st

Zero Dollars Spent

I’ve been considering a career change for quite a long time.

I don’t really have a clear plan for what comes next though.

I could pull that insecure woman’s damsel in distress thing and find some poor sucker to “take care of me” but that’s just not me.  Miss Too-Independent-For-My-Own-Good.

I’ve been looking for new jobs but in the meantime I’m looking for new jobs, possible new careers and ways of making money online.

I’ve been doing some of them for years.  Just little stuff for extra spending cash but maybe I should start considering hitting them up a little hardcore.

These are a list of sites that I’ve worked with over the years that are reputable

MyPoints – I’ve pulled in close to $500 in gift certificates since 2005

InBox – $60 in the past year 

Upromise – started this account back when I thought about having kids.  Now I bank on the Dining Rewards part of it more.  You can withdrawal money

Ebates – Have made over $1,400 on this site so far.  I’m an online shopper.   I haven’t stepped in a mall in years so clicking through this site is awesome.

OfficeMax MaxPerks – I take in the cartridges from work and earn $2 a pop then I use the rewards to buy toilet paper and Tide.  Guess this stuff only works if run through a lot of ink cartridges and are ok to dispose of them. 

Oh Baby Your Time Is Running Out

January 30^th & January 31^st

70.14 Best Buy

19.17 Renshaw’s

3.71 Starbuck’s

28.87 Speedway #1

25.14 Norm’s

5.82 Speedway #2

Total – 152.90

I’m not proud of this figure but in all honesty it was going to be worse.

The plan for this weekend was to hop in the Jeep, I’ve named her Hope (it’s a Star Wars thing) and take a 4 hour drive north to Boyne for a weekend of snowboarding, drinking and ziplining.  I was pretty confident that I was going that I even invested in a new phone case (because I’m klutzy I over spent for the LifeProof).  I saved $20 bucks by opening falling for some Best Buy Credit Card gimmick which I promptly turned around and spent at Ren’s for Mac & Cheese.

I’m in desperate need for fun.  It’s been forever since I’ve had a vacation.  The past few months I’ve been In a deep “what-the-effing-point” place in my life.  Boyne was supposed to be that.  Still pricey because of Doggy Day Care and Lift Tickets but I was planning on living on alcohol and snow so it would’ve all balanced out in the end.  The whole thing was moth balled around 11am when I found out that someone brought his girlfriend.  I’ve met her.  She’s nice enough.  But I’ve heard too many stories about breaking up/making up/irrational behavior/etc .  Honestly I want to believe that stories are exaggerated but dramatic, drunken behavior is boring on any level and my perfect possible drama free, brain cell burning epic weekend might've been slightly marred and that was just too much to handle. 

I closed out my evening with dinner at Norm’s.  I keep hoping that I hit these bars and it’ll be like it was in the good old days… laughs, random flirting but that doesn’t happen much these days.  I know it’s me.  My light is fading, my positive outlook doesn’t shine through.  I’m kind of a husk.

I know I need to have a second option; a Plan B.  But I don’t have any desire to anymore.  I know that everyone has their purpose but I just don't know how to twist my shit into a positive position. 

Mindlessly Dancing to... La Roux "Bulletproof"