Good Bye Martha My Dear!

January 29, 2014

$24.81

I have a love / hate relationship with Pinetrest

I think it may steam from my genetic disposition to be a Stepford Wife / Soccer Mom that I'm totally blowing off because, let's be frank, I can't even take care of myself.

Pinetrest keeps that lingering Martha Stewart gene alive enough to keep from getting ousted by an invasive Courtney Love type free radical.

Work is kinda slow right now so I’ve been zoning out catching up on my favorite blogs and scanning the interwebs for cat furniture that doesn’t look like it was salvaged out of a 1974 Ford Ecoline van with a half naked banshee painted on the side.  I’ve decided to merge a few ideas together and it involves rope, glue, milk crates and cardboard tubes.  I am 100% percent confident that it will look hideous but I still have hopes. 

I had one shopping trip last night where I spent $15 on this cat-crap-tastic furniture thingy that I’m about to put together and the other $9 was spent on dinner.  Pin that bitch.

A Cup of Johan

January 28, 2014

$17.89

I'm not a skinny person; even when I had an eating disorder I was curvy.

Lately I've been doing these 10-20 minute work out things and lifting weights but I weeze when I run up the steps.

I should change that... I told myself I'd start dating again if I lost weight I guess keeping the fat on is the emotional cushion I need ... and a box of cookies is way more fulfilling then trying to feign interest in another human being at this point.

All I bought yesterday were liquids.

2 Monster Zero's

1 L of  Tonic w/Lime

1 Fifth of Marshmallow Vodka

So I want to believe that the pound that I put on between yesterday and today is a result of building muscle because all I did was drink.

But that Mocha Latte with Marshmallow Vodka was about 150 calories and after four of them I'm gonna name that new cellulite dimple "Gevalia".

So needless to say... I'm odds and ends

January 27, 2014

$0.00

Some people have their 'ideal' image of themselves.  

Taller, thinner, more hair, less zits

It's the ideal image.

My ideal image is a cartoon.

And it morphs on a daily basis.

I try to believe that I'm Wonder Woman but most times I imagine myself more like Cartman.

You know the cliche thing where it's an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

I kinda feel like I've got those out too - and they are constantly arguing.

People think I"m weird... most of the time I'm having an ongoing never ending internal argument about money, men, school, work, life, blah blah blah blah

I don't talk much... I'm listening to them (umm... err.. myself)  and I'm missing out on life.

Last night I wanted a drink.

I drove around for 25 minutes having a mental battle about what bar I should go to if I should go to one at all.

I didn't go to the bar

I got bored and went home.

I didn't get a drink

I didn't buy a bottle of vodka

I just went home.

I filled up my Amazon shopping cart but I didn't click 'Submit Order'.

I worked out.

I tried to clean.

I had another mental battle about if I should go to Boyne or should I stay home and fix the house.

I don't know who won that one.

The only way I can shut down the internal bickering is by either getting drunk or zoning out to whatever show is on.

I started watching 'Heros'

Then I went to bed.

No money spent.

No argument won.

No ground gained.

An anniversary of sorts...

$124.59 but $95.26 (with coupons)

I'm beginning to realize that my life serves as a weigh station for others.   I'm Ned, the insurance guy, from Groundhog Day. I 

...

I hate the fact that you're what I think of when I'm alone…..

I hate the fact that I have to talk myself out of things that are obviously not there…

I hate we had that one week… the coffee, the drinks, the pictures, the rest… probably one of the most intense seductions ever.

I hate that every time I go 'there' all I can hear you say is "This is not good"; I know what you meant but it still hurts like hell.

I regret the day I ever sent you some random message... I would have never known that everything I wanted in one person actually existed

I'm not this person.

I'm just the pretender.